At Christmas time, we can really crank out the crafts here, and they’re usually pretty darn cute. I’m a huge fan of kids’ homemade Christmas tree ornaments (uh, you may have noticed), but the anal side of me also appreciates ”pretty”. I know kids’ crafts aren’t supposed to be perfectly beautiful, and I also know, that as a parent, any creation that your child brings home will be treasured simply because it was crafted by your little one. However, having said that, I would never set out to have the Hooligans create an intentionally ghastly craft. Which is why yesterday’s craft fiasco had me temporarily rattled.
Here’s the story behind the little star who wanted to be a Christmas Tree Ornament when he grew up.
There once was a little cardboard star, who wanted nothing more than to delight the hearts of children as he sparkled on their Christmas Tree.
He dreamed of one day being as handsome as the noodle star that shimmered on Pink and Green Mama’s Christmas Tree.
The Hooligans lovingly decorated him with assorted noodles, lentils and buttons, and he felt himself growing more and more beautiful under such careful, crafty hands.
They tenderly placed him by the fire to dry, until nap-time, when the care-giver would transform him with her glittery, silver spray-paint while the children slept. He waited patiently in anticipation.
At last the magical moment arrived and the caregiver prepared him for his dazzling make-over. She shook the spray-paint, and pressed the button on the can, and…. nothing. She reached for the gold spray paint, and did the same…. nothing. The white, and then the brown…. nothing, nothing, NOTHING! What horrors! The nozzles had clogged! She had one can of spray paint left. The tough guy. The one her husband used for – um, we’re not sure what her husband would ever use this for. The Can of Weather Shield, Rust Coat, Interior/Exterior, Alkyd Paint in Gloss Yellow. The one with the back-hoe on the label. What was she to do except give it a go?
She blasted the little star with the very stinky, very flammable, very poisonous Gloss Yellow, until he was saturated. An interesting paint-resist-thing happened when Gloss Yellow met Elmer’s Glue, so she blasted the little star again.
Then she stood back and examined her work. And then she panicked. What had she done to the children’s innocent, little stars? They looked like something that would be at home at a construction site.
She gathered her wits, and took them back inside to place them, once again, beside the fire, while Gloss Yellow’s fumes filled up the room, and had the care-giver worrying about the aforementioned flammability factor.
When the children awoke from their naps, they dashed to the fire to see….
One child sadly lamented “Why you did THAT to my star?”
The care-giver, who was feeling horrible about what she’d done, who’s head was pounding from the stress of it all, and from breathing in things like acetone, toluene, xylene and aliphatic hydrocabon solvent for the past two hours, got an idea. A wonderful, awful idea! They could fix up those stars with some Glitter Paint! 
So down to the craft room they went, and they dobbed and they dabbed those little stars with every colour of glitter paint that they had. And Gloss Yellow resisted with all his might, and the glitter paints just puddled and pooled on the surface, and mixed with each other, and would not co-operate, and those construction site stars went from bad to worse. They were now just a big goopy, icky, sticky, brown, brackish mess. (I didn’t take pictures of the truly ugly phase, as I thought they’d be going into the trash)
The children seemed rather oblivious, but the caregiver felt deflated, and considered throwing stars away, and trying again another day (if she could first purchase some silver spray paint), but in one last effort, she placed those ghastly, pathetically soggy, stars by the fireplace again.
Her own children came home from school, and scorned the stars. Her husband had a chuckle over them, and she herself checked on them from time to time over the course of the evening, knowing that she would likely have to toss them.
And then suddenly, after seven hours of sitting fire-side, a wonderful thing started to happen. Gloss yellow started peering through the glitter paints, and the glitter paints started to actually dry and shimmer! The colours that had run together to make a muddy mess, had somehow sort of separated and marbled, giving the little stars a very unique and interesting look. Although they were still a tad obnoxious, and not quite as distinguished as the other ornaments that the Hooligans had made, the care-giver started to actually have HOPE for the stars. She was actually starting to LIKE the stars.
She gathered up some bright colourful ribbons for hanging, because hey, if you’re going to stand out, you might as well really stand out. No subtle silvery threads for these guys! She glued a ribbon on each star and placed them back on the hearth where they sat overnight.
In the morning, the stars were still sticky (and I suppose they always will be), and still smelled faintly of acetone, toluene, xylene, and aliphatic hydrocarbon solvent (and probably always will), but they had grown up to be very fine stars indeed. Stars that will light up the eyes of their creators when they see them tomorrow. Stars that any Hooligan would hang on their Christmas Tree with pride.
You go, little star!
And that is the end of my little tale.
Today is my day off, and clearly, the fumes have gone to my head because I have SO much more to do today than to sit and pound out little fairy tales. I just wanted to share yesterday’s crafting fiasco with you, and got a little carried away. 
I’m off to organize and wrap Christmas gifts now! Have a good one, Everybody!
We’re on Christmas break here, and I’m thoroughly enjoying the pace of things now that the big day has come and gone. The Hooligans don’t return until January 9th, which is why it’s been quiet here on my blog for the past several days.
